Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't deserve a penis
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
