I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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