idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
