it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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