I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
