I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize