There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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