Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
