If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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