I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
