Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
