Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
