Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
