I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Found your dick twin last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize