I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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