I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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