dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
