dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
