you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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