I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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