I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So squirting runs in the family.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
