sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize