You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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