where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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