So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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