I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
