If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
