And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize