Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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