He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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