Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize