You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
