He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
