It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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