Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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