Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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