using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
