you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
