Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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