i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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