i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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