I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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