No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
