It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
