she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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