where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
