i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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