I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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