I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My breath smells like gin and sadness
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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