I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
