My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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