That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize