You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
