Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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