He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
