I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
