it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
