I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
