My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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