Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
