May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
