If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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