You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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