capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
