I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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