I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
