In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize