If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
