hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
