Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
