Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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