he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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