it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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