my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
