If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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