I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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